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#1
09-08-2009, 11:32 PM
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did I not call him African? whats the deal?
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#2
09-09-2009, 12:08 AM
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haha its a joke speck lol i say that all the time no worries
huntin fool i really laughed out loud on that one
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#3
09-09-2009, 02:33 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
Actually...... We dont know what he is....Nobody does..
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#4
09-09-2009, 10:10 AM
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Quote:
I can tell you a few things he aint!!!!
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#5
10-01-2009, 10:07 PM
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And then the fight started...
1) My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... 2) My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... 3) Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And then the fight started ... 4) I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then that leaves me six guesses, which one are you?" And then the fight started..... 5) My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... 6) When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... 7) After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... 8) My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... 9) I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... 10) A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
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#6
09-09-2009, 03:34 AM
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Sitting in an airport in Shanghai cruising the SC and here's my favorite:
Boudreaux, Thibodaux, and Aucoin are sitting at the fishin' camp drinking beer and Boudreaux offers: "Man, whatchall tink is the fastest thing in the world?" They were all quiet and Boudreaux says: " I tink it's when you tink. You know, you tink of somtin', and you have a thought. It's like right there. That's got to be the fastest ting in the world." They all took a swig and shook their heads, yep. Thibodaux says: "Man, I think it's when you blink. You know, you blink, you don't even notice it, your eyelids go down, man, that's fast." They all took a swig and shook their heads, yep, that's fast. Aucoin burps and says: "Man, it's when you turn on the light, you know, lectricity. You turn on the light and it's on! What day call dat? Yea, speed of light." They all took a swig and shook their heads, yep, that's fast. Boudreaux all of sudden says: "Nah, I change my answer. "The fast tink in the world is diarreah." Thibodaux and Aucoin looked at Boudreaux and bot said "Diarreah?". Boudreaux said: "Yea, man, I was sitting in my boxers yesterday watchin Oprah, and man, I felt like I had to a pass a little gas so I leaned over, and man, before I could TINK, BLINK, OR TURN ON THE LIGHT, I sh*t myself!"
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#7
10-01-2009, 10:14 PM
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For all you texas guys....
Copper wire facts After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York Scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Texas archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, A story in the Texas Times read: ' Texas archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.' One week later. A local newspaper in Louisiana reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near St. Martinville, Bubba Boudreaux, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Louisiana had already gone wireless.. Just makes you proud to live in Louisiana !
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#8
10-01-2009, 10:24 PM
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Recently the Russians developed a titanium rod that was 100 times stronger than steel for its size, with a diameter that was so small it was invisible. Wanting to show off, they sent it to America. The Americans drilled a hole in the center of it and mailed it back.
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#9
10-06-2009, 12:48 PM
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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to
the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, The man said: "Father ... During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." "There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.' The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven." "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question." "And what is that?" asked the priest. "Should I tell her the war is over?"
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#11
10-06-2009, 02:51 PM
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