any of you guys got step kids?????

[Dink]

I've got a situation here with my wife's ex.....he's a real pillar of society.....holds a job just long enough to qualify for unemployment, sits home drinkin beer all day, just a real piece of work.....

Kid in question is 12, bout to be 13.....he sees the attitude that his dad has with his mom and is mimicking it.......

I cant whip him, the dad or the boy, that would just add fire to the gasoline......I can only reason with him so much, but his dad just shoots whatever I tell him down......


Suggestions? This is really making my homelife difficult.......thanks

[adamsfence]

this is touchy. all i will say is if they stay in my house no matter whos kid they are they won't disrespect me or my wife . with your case you are between a rock and a hard place. but if you are not allowed to discipline you will never be respected and will only get worse.

[jaclyn.renea]

How long have you been his "step"?

[Asterisk-Rich]

sounds like you have a problem with your wife!

if she doesnt let you whip him than she needs too!!!

[Dink]

I discipline him.....but his dad calls me out on it.....I tell him, my house my rules......his answer is always that he isn't going to enforce rules like that and while the boy is at his house he's allowed to run wild......

I've been in their life for more than 6yrs

[Red Devil]

Originally Posted by Dink

I've got a situation here with my wife's ex.....he's a real pillar of society.....holds a job just long enough to qualify for unemployment, sits home drinkin beer all day, just a real piece of work.....

Kid in question is 12, bout to be 13.....he sees the attitude that his dad has with his mom and is mimicking it.......

I cant whip him, the dad or the boy, that would just add fire to the gasoline......I can only reason with him so much, but his dad just shoots whatever I tell him down......


Suggestions? This is really making my homelife difficult.......thanks

Where does the kid live mostly? If he lives with you and your wife, and you and your wife are the sole providers than by all means you have EVERY right to lay the law down. My wife and I have been together six years, and when we first got together, I was apprehensive about things, but she told me, " your house, your rules ". And buddy, I promise that her two know better than to disrespect anyone in my house.

[Red Devil]

Originally Posted by Dink

I discipline him.....but his dad calls me out on it.....I tell him, my house my rules......his answer is always that he isn't going to enforce rules like that and while the boy is at his house he's allowed to run wild......

I've been in their life for more than 6yrs

Sounds like "Ole Dad" needs a tune up himself.

[adamsfence]

Originally Posted by Dink

I discipline him.....but his dad calls me out on it.....I tell him, my house my rules......his answer is always that he isn't going to enforce rules like that and while the boy is at his house he's allowed to run wild......

I've been in their life for more than 6yrs

he sounds like a dead beat just trying to win the kids over and be a **** to yall.....the bad thing is playing his games he is hurting the kids more than anyone else.

all i can say is just be a good example for the kid and stand your ground.

[Dink]

After a day or 2 home he's the best kids ever.....very polite and respectful, but after a few days at "dads" he reverts to a little ****head.......if he could retain what goes on at our house while over there everything would be great.......I miss typed earlier......its not disrespect only toward his mom the boy sees from his dad, its his way of life period.......any 38 yo man that still wants to be a pro skateboarder when he grows up is obviously a keeper......

[Red Devil]

Hey Tony Hawk's a pro skateboarder in his 40's and he's doin pretty good.

[Dink]

Tony accomplished That in his teens......

A few years ago I got him into scouting, that went well for a little while till his dad told him that was for sissys.....he was big into football and was gonna try out for it this year, I was pumped!!!! Dad talked to him tho... ..he still wont tell me what was said.... he used to be big into soccer......dad didn't shoe up for even one game. Intact on the weekend when dad had him, he wouldn't even let him go play.... .I'm at a lose and don't see a solution in sight..... long range rifle??

[Montauk17]

Sounds like the dad needs a good ole fashion azz whoopin'

[SULPHITE]

damn what an fer...if my son wants to play a frickin tuba and not play football like I did then thats just fine with me as long as he has something that interests him and that activity is a positive one then why not????

[I make oil]

I been there bro. Just be a good example for him. Show him how "real" people live. Take him fishing and hunting and support him. He will realize what a POS his ole' man is and will be better off for it. Patience man, raising kids is a marathon not a sprint.

[Sea-Trac Offshore]

I have a 10yr old step son and going through the same thing. Just be a great father to him and when he is more mature he will realize his dad is in the wrong. Many times I came close to skull dragging her ex down the street but kept my cool. Not worth it

[simplepeddler]

It's hard enough to raise your own son, much less another man's.

But if God himself believed Joseph could raise His son then there is hope for us.

My bonus son came to me at 11.....he is going to be 21 in November, Still chooses to live here.

Yes, it was and is still a challenge. I can assure you, and hear my loud and clear, you will NEVER convince him his dad is "wrong" of Bad. Not saying you are trying, just wanted to get that out.

And frankly, you will get all kind of advice from men that do not have bonus children on "how any kid under my roof......blah blah blah....." I actually was that way too.

Here is the deal, that boy has been given a second chance on learning what a real man is.

that chance is you

"I make oil" is dead on marathon...small bites of a big elephant.

what you want to do now, is not screw up ANY chance of having a relationship with him when he is becoming a man.

when he gets in trouble, be the first one there.
when he needs a talking to, do it with compassion, but fortitude
when you screw up (and you will) apologize to him

find something his dad would agree with you on, but maybe not the way you would like, and work together.

My "husband in-law" as I call him now, and I bought our son his first shotgun together, since dad had no present, I let him give it to him on Christmas day.

When they needed a larger vehicle for him and his dad and girlfriend and kids to Disney,
I handed "husband in-law" the keys to our two day old Yukon.

It's a *****, but take the high road. Do not let HIS dad disrespect YOUR wife.

He will likely find a common ground.

Mine and I are still a work in progress, and I bite my tongue ...alot......

Check out a good book and quick read "God breaths on blended families"
well worth the time

[eman]

The boy is 13 , he is old enough to understand when you tell him, we know that at your dads there is a different set of rules , And you know what the rules are here . so when you step back through the door at our house our rules take affect.

[southern151]

Lead by example and remember what got you where you are today as far as a human being.

Ride out the bad couple of days after he returns and instill a good life in his mind. He will someday see this and realize what he has learned from you and the other.

If he acts up toward his mom, don't stand for it!!!! Bust his arse!!!!! Bottom line!!!! Would you let someone outside the house bully your wife? No! Don't let it happen inside your house either!

Also, remember being that age. It's hell with all the hormones let alone and idiot as a half arse influence!

[Dink]

Wow.....thank you peddler.....what I'm worried about is Athens I get on him about talking to his mom the way he does when he gets home I see a look on his face I haven't seen before......its a look of anger and resentment.......

I don't want to loose the Boy.......

[Dink]

Get on him.....typo....

He gets no slack at all on talking to his mom with respect......I'm all over that part