[DUCKGOGETTER]

Originally Posted by cajun bill

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!"and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops....
although, they do make me look a bit gay.
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My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year!
You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
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Question - Are there too many immigrants inthe US ?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please.".
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The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife
is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
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A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead".
The operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
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My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well... she's not exactly my girl friend yet.
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A wife says to her husband
"You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back."
And he says "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair!"
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My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
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I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod
after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
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There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping center,
but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the bomber jackets.
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The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked
if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan .
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!